So maybe I did have just a piece of Reese’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake Cheesecake for my lunch today. And?
I humbly present the latest
hot mess masterpiece from the invariably clASSy, Lady…This is Pussy.
Today my online dating subscription is officially over, and I’ve decided not to renew. I have nothing against that particular site. In fact, I think a lot of good things have come out of it. I met my last boyfriend on that site. And he and I had some great times…until the night I had to call my doorman to forcibly remove him from the premises. (We had broken up by that point.)
But, I digress.
Certainly there are some well-known pitfalls to online dating. Like this. Or this. Unfortunately, these types of annoyances are prevalent. Even worse, many people fabricate their entire lives on these sites from their appearance to their marital status to their jobs (as if, in the event you decide to meet up IRL, you won’t notice they aren’t even remotely who they portrayed themselves to be). Yet these negatives aren’t enough to make me just give up on finding love.
What is enough to make me take a break for now is how the whole process made me feel about myself. I became too emotionally involved. At first it was a lot of fun. But then I started feeling deeply rejected when cute guys wouldn’t pay me any attention. Or, instead of feeling flattered, I would feel genuinely upset when guys I didn’t find attractive showed interest in me. I was taking it all too seriously, too personally, and it stopped being fun.
The reason I decided to try online dating was that I believed (and still do) that I would find better quality relationships than those I had with the
men boys I met through more conventional means, e.g. bars and parties. One person I met IRL dumped me at my friend’s wedding. Another cheated on me on Valentine’s Day. A third just stopped calling and then randomly sent me unsolicited pictures of his erect penis. True story.
So in the end I am back in the same place where I started. Alone, but still hopeful that I will find love someday (either online or not). And that’s not a bad place to be.
OMG. My LYFE!
The evidence is mounting that I should just lay down and give up.
- Potential Suitor (PS): You're funny!
- PS: It's funny 'cuz I didn't think YOU could be funny. I mean with all the long emails we wrote back and forth to each other, I was just like 'Here we go. Another cat lady." Haha.
- Me: Well PS I'm full of surprises.
- Me: In fact, here's another one.
- Me: *CLICK*
That awkward moment when a man who works in the mailroom at your company makes contact with you on a dating website.
So you know we have to see each other at work tomorrow, right?
Me: [Answering work phone] Hello, this is GossipGirlOnBlast!
Caller: Hello. I’m looking for GossipGirlOnBlast.
Me: Do you want to sign up for that seminar Voldemort asked us to go to, or should I?
The Witch: I’ll let you think about that question for a bit before I respond.
Me: You could have just said no.
The Witch: Well, what fun would that be?
And I was a natural.