Gossip Girl On Blast: Archive

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Dec 30th

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Dec 30th

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2010. BAI!

I’m not going to make one of those lists of shit I remember or shit I accomplished in 2010. Because I don’t give a fuck.

Dec 30th

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I warned you. All work and no play makes Gossip a...

me: so...tell me why i was here until 9 last night and 8 the night before working on something someone needed for a conference call first thing this AM
 and then that person postpones the call and doesn't come in
 bc that person DOESN'T HAVE A CAR
 i mean, call me crazy, but don't you know when you'll have a car and when you won't...
Christina: omg
 that is so crazy
 I would be so mad
me: i'm like "i'm gonna stab someone in the face with an ice pick" mad

Dec 30th

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“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! You’re cool. Fuck you, I’m out!”

– Yours Truly, dreaming of leaving the office early today…like everyone else.

Dec 30th

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Dec 30th

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I WANT to die alone.

I have the most depressing perfect NYE plans: Stay home and bake gougères, roast some shrimp and make a homemade cocktail sauce, and make a luscious mousse au chocolat; Drink a bottle of champagne; and Watch “Easy A.” I’m excited!

Dec 29th

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Dec 29th

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“You a little sick? You decided to come in and play sick for us?”

– Voldemort, being confrontational. That’s pretty much his only setting.

Dec 29th

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My kitten is what the French call "les...

Last night he jumped onto the stovetop. While the burner was on! D’oh! *OK, correct French grammar would be un incompetent, but I couldn’t resist a good Home Alone reference. Fuck off.

Dec 29th

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This is my 100th post!

YAY ME!

Dec 29th

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Dec 29th

13,993 notes

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The Wiccan Strikes Again

Christina: the witch stopped by
Me: OMAIGAH!
 what did he say
Christina: lol
 he just stood in the doorway for a while
 finally I felt his presence and he made me turn my head toward him using mind control
 and I said, what?
 lol
 and he just kept staring
Me: that sounds like him alright
Christina: so I said what are you looking at
 and he said that looks like a vodka bottle
 and I said no, its water
 and he said oh ok, I thought is was vodka, why not? and then he walked away
Me: holy shit
 he does that type of shit ALL THE TIME
 one day he stood in my door and i was like YES!
 and he looks at a bag of teddy grahams and goes "oh for a sec i thought you were eating dog food"
 and i'm like YES, YOU'RE RIGHT.  I WAS EATING DOG FOOD
Christina: lol
 hahahh
 that's crazy
Me: why was he even over there?
 omaigah...be careful when you drive home tonight.  he was probably over there trying to cast a spell on you!
Christina: he probably was
 I'm scared
Me: me too gurr.  me too :/

Dec 28th

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Dec 28th

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Life's great mysteries...

How can the chicken orzo soup I just bought be so overseasoned and yet have so little flavor?

Dec 28th

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Tacky Tuesday: New Years Edition

Attention Upper East-Siders: It’s that time again. Every Tuesday, I’m going to put my colleagues’ fashion DON’Ts on blast. Because why not. Fuck it. Beige cowl neck cable knit sweater over Beige textured wool tights. No pants. A piece of advice: If you’re going to wear as little clothing as possible, try and avoid an outfit that’s entirely...

Dec 28th

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Most Awesome Week EVAR continues...

Today I woke up to the sound of breaking glass. It was 5:30am. My kitten had jumped on my nightstand and knocked my water glass into the wall, shattering the glass itself, and with incredible skill for a kitten, spilling all of the water directly into my box of tissues (a precious commodity at the moment given that I’m sick and there’s a mucous pouring out of my nose 24/7), on the...

Dec 28th

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I almost choked to death on my own phlegm this...

And as I lay propped on my sink gasping for breath and vomiting up the Emergen-C I had just drank, I said to myself: Self! This is going to be an awesome week. :P

Dec 27th

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I feel like dick (a haiku).

I just need a nap. My throat hurts. Chest is burning. My phlegm tastes like blood.

Dec 27th

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Listen, People.

One minus a “plus one” does NOT add up to zero.

Dec 27th

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Dec 25th

12 notes

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Dec 23rd

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Poison Apples

Christina: she's trying to be my friend
me: i told you she'd poison your apples
Christina: and she gave me a candy apple
me: !!
 mirror mirror on the wall...
Christina: I could use a deep sleep and an excuse to not come to work
 so I"m giong to take a huge bite
me: mmmm well it was nice knowing you
Christina: just send me a prince fool
 and pick a good one
me: can he be jewish?

Dec 22nd

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New Britney out in March, ya'll!

Dec 22nd

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Sugar High, Sugar Thighs

Two factors, one big problem: Whenever my boss yells, I stress eat. Today, my assistant gave me a huge tin of homemade fudge for Christmas. I’m glad I asked for Wii Fit for Christmas.

Dec 22nd

Oh nailtipflips you are the sweetest. I wish I knew how to respond privately on Tumblr…or to message you for that matter. But, alas, I am not so bright.

Dec 22nd

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“I am definitely having a mayjah quarter-life crisis. Again.”

– Yours Truly, just now.

Dec 22nd

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Dec 22nd

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Dec 22nd

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Tacky Tuesday: Christmas Edition

Attention Upper East-Siders, So I’ve decided that every Tuesday, I’m going to put my colleagues’ fashion DON’Ts on blast. Because why not. Fuck it. And here goes… So you all know those totally RIDIC/HEINOUS/UGLY Christmas sweaters. You know…like UGH? The ones that are ironically “celebrated” as a part of Americana? Well picture something...

Dec 21st

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“A great social success is a pretty girl who plays her cards as carefully as if...”

– Scott Fitzgerald (via fashionninag)

Dec 21st

276 notes

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Dec 17th

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Run, Waka Flocka! Run! →

Dec 17th

48 notes

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Dec 16th

5 tags

Dec 15th

51 notes

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Worst. Hangover. Ever.

I spent the day sprawled half-dead on the couch nursing the hangover from HELL. As I lay there, I replayed last night in my head and tried to pinpoint the cause of my suffering. Now you guys, I’m a big drinker, and I don’t EVER…I mean EVER…get hangovers (the latter being one of the primary reasons for the former) so I couldn’t help but wonder WTF was going on last...

Dec 13th

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“I keep a couple wet wipes in case a bum try to touch me. EW!”

– Princess Nicki

Dec 12th

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Dec 12th

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Inadvertently Hilarious Conversation of the Day

Dr. Drew: You're diabetic.  Have you tried to lose any weight?
Jason Davis: Yeah.  I've lost 150 pounds.
Dr. Drew: Wow, 150 pounds!  That's great!  How'd you do it?
Jason Davis: Heroin.

Dec 11th

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Dec 10th

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Flurries!

Officially the first snow of the season? I’ll count it.

Dec 10th

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Yeah. It's a little bit racist. →

Dec 10th

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“I think I just walked through a fart.”

– Yours Truly, just now

Dec 9th

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Nauseating shit. Read at your own risk.

Today has been a day where so many things have made my lunch crawl its way up into the back of my throat that I wondered if it really was a coincidence. After consulting the National Enquirer, studying the alignment of the stars, examining my throat and eyes in a hand mirror, and squatting surreptitiously in the work restroom praying for the blue line NOT to appear on three pregnancy tests, I...

Dec 9th

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